Learning with Self-Reflection
Surviving in the world we live in requires the ability to analyze and adapt to the environment. People begin identifying what they like and what they don’t like as they go through new experiences in their lives. But the way one individual perceives their surroundings will differ from others, so it is crucial for people to maintain awareness of this concept. Understanding that the way I approach a situation isn’t always the way other people would approach it is a practice I have been following constantly after graduating high school. During my early stages of life prior to high school the world around me seemed mysterious and scary because I would slowly learn new things from my mom and the friends I would make along the way. Having access to new relationships brings opportunities to compare and contrast my ideas with others’. It wasn’t until I started college that this concept truly played a role in my life.
Daycare Days
I was fortunate enough to have a hardworking mother who is dedicated to provide for me and support my needs. She has taught me all sorts of things which I am grateful for, whether it be how to ride a bike, how to stay on schedule for school and work, and not to mention all of the different sports she pushed me to learn and engage in. The only challenge that we faced during my childhood was the fact that I didn’t have a father figure to teach me things a father would normally teach his son. This definitely plays a big role in the way I approach given situations, reflecting on life lessons my mom has taught me during my childhood. My mom held the responsibility of taking care of herself and I so she would have to go to work throughout the weekdays as well as weekends. Since my mom was often out of the house due to work, she had to find babysitters to watch over me as she went to work. While I was a toddler I stayed with a great babysitter who took care of multiple children at once, so I was able to make a number of childhood friends. I always looked up to the kids who were older than me and became fascinated with everything they did. My ignorance as a toddler pushed me to treat them as role models because they were older and could do things that I have never done before. I was always a follower looking for people who can bring excitement into my life, and I carried this practice over to my preteen years attending public school.
Growing with Other Families
As I began attending public school, I made some close friends and would often visit their houses in order to have play dates. This was the new version of babysitting which my mother grew accustomed to because I can play with my friends at their house and my mother could pay them to take care of me while she goes to work. I think I would remember my friends’ parents often insisting that they don’t want to be paid and it would be fine, but my mom would always pay them anyways. I was able to do this with numerous friends I formed at school, but I had two most memorable friends who would let me stay at their home and grow with their family.
Growing up as an only child with no father, there were great amounts of potential life experiences I would miss out on. I probably don’t know everything there is to growing up in terms of having siblings or a father figure, but I definitely gained somewhat of an understanding since I was raised by two different families which both included two or more siblings in the household. I was able to expose myself to a new way of living by growing up under these households which I believe is the perfect experience I could have had as a child growing up. I was basically accepted as an adopted son, or at least that’s how it felt. I celebrated holidays with the families, went on road trips, events, and school together. I would also eventually get into arguments and conflicts which would bring us closer once they were resolved. I was able to gain a great amount of experiences in situations I wouldn’t be able to have if I stayed home as an only child which would benefit me in the future when it came to self-awareness. Living with my friends’ families opened new doors of opportunity to be more involved in conversations and have the ability to comprehend situations including siblings and father figures, something I lacked in my life, since I have spent time getting to know all of the family members.
Self Awareness Breakthrough
Losing a Friend
With all of the treasured memories I’ve made with the families I have spent time with, I eventually parted ways due to the fact that I would attend different schools than the ones my friends attended. The experience that brought on a breakthrough in my perception of life occurred during my transition into high school. My shift in my perspective began to change when I lost one of my closest friends. He never told me why we stopped being friends so I was left without any reason. He seemed to truly hate me based on the fact that he would avoid me at all costs for the rest of our time being in school together. Being utterly confused, I spent the following years taking a step back and analyzing all of the decisions I’ve made in the past and how those decisions affected the given situations. Although I could simply put all the blame on my friend for cutting ties with me without any explanation, I felt that this was the easy way out and nothing would be changed from this approach. Indian-born spiritual teacher and author, Eknath Easwaran, discusses Mohandas Gandhi’s views and Ahimsa in his book, Gandhi the Man, stating “when another person’s welfare means more to you than your own, when even his life means more to you than your own, only then can you say you love. Anything else is just business, give-and-take. To extend this love even to those who hate you is the farthest limit of ahimsa. It pushes at the boundaries of consciousness itself” (Easwaran 111). Ahimsa is defined as the respect for all living things and avoidance of violence toward others. No good will come from fighting fire with fire, the best course of action would be attempting to pacify the flames. I didn’t want to go through the same experience of losing a close friend so I refused to blame my friend for the situation I had with him. Instead I took it as a life lesson that would help me shape the person I want to be in the future. This concept is what pushed me to begin my journey to practice my self awareness as well as my awareness towards others.
The Journey Begins
Making Opportunity
I began my journey to grow as an individual and change my mindset for the better. Nahid Angha, a scholar, author, lecturer and human-rights activist, states in her book, The Journey, “The foundation of such a journey is found in the individual’s recognition of the inadequacy of his own limited understanding, and the desire to enlarge and ultimately transcend it.” Angha is asserting that in order to change the way you think and act, you must first have the ability to identify your limitations and flaws. Only then will you be able to set a plan in motion to better yourself and the way other people view you. Angha goes on clarifying that if “an individual would undertake a spiritual journey, he first must learn how to obey its rules, honor its disciplines, and learn its practices, in order to transport his soul into the realm of Divinity, and free himself from the darkness of ignorance” (Angha 7). Growing one’s self awareness involves time and constant reflection, and the amounts needed may vary depending on the individual. Change won’t simply happen overnight, in which case long term goals must be set in order to have an effective plan to manage and fulfill. Although my unfortunate situation with my close friend is what initially led me to change the way I think and act, all of my past experiences both good and bad played a role in my journey and success I have carried over to the way I live my life today.
Identifying Flaws
Prior to this self awareness breakthrough of my life, I was an oblivious kid who didn’t pay attention to the way I may make other people feel based on the actions I made. I have always viewed myself as a person who is always trying to be nice to people, but I would still act in ways that would contradict that. I would form biases and build up an ego without being aware of it until I eventually offend someone by accident. This was the part of my personality that I wanted to change and I set out to make it my goal to improve these flaws I identified. My self reflection skills I carried on into my college life has given me the opportunity to meet new people and form relationships while keeping transparency between myself and the other person. The new ongoing challenge I am facing is the ability to not only keep a healthy relationship with my friends and family, but to maintain a positive mindset towards those who may treat me wrongly. According to Martin Luther King, Jr., “Thou Shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you: that ye may be children of your Father which is in heaven.” (King 43) Saying that you should try and treat everyone respectfully, even those who may not get along with you, because everyone is human and are children of God. Whether one may choose to believe in God or not, King’s ideology can benefit anyone who chooses to inherit it. Responding to negative people in a positive way, or simply choosing to prevent the negative thoughts from affecting you mentally will benefit you in the long run. This is a skill I have been working on and strive to perfect in order to create the best possible environment for myself and the people I am around.
When is the Journey Done?
The importance of self reflection has been proven by my first hand experiences forging the way I think and act in the present and the future. I must make sure that I save time to reflect off all aspects of my life, past, present, and future. Although it is beneficial to spend ample time thinking about the past, spending too much time can lead me to over analyze my memories and begin making regrets over events I have no power in changing. Spending too much time in the future will lead me to become paranoid over every decision I make in the present. And spending too much time in the present will cause me to forget what my goals and values are because I would be failing to reflect off my experiences in the past and my dreams in the future. This journey I have partaken seems to be a never ending challenge involving making mistakes and learning from them. Any other experiences shared with friends and family will also play an important role in my desire to become a better me.
Angha, Nahid. The Journey. Phoenix Word & Press, 1991.
Easwaran, Eknath. Gandhi the Man. Nilgiri Press, 2011.
King, Martin Luther, Jr. Strength To Love. Fortress Press, 2010.
